Crush/Best friend

All freshmen year and last year I was really into this guy… My best friend. He told me that he liked this sweet girl and I told him that it was so sweet, last year he and her started to chat and all of that stuff, but it didn’t go any further…. And I did ship them

Then he started to chat to another girl, I don’t like her at all, however he was happy and he asked me if it was okay to ask her to be his girlfriend and told him to go for it. I cried all night long because I didn’t want him with her, I told him how to ask her and everything. She said yes. I think I cried every night and my friends told me to forget about him and if it’s possible to stay away from him cause even if he didn’t know about what I felt, he was still hurting me. However it was impossible for me to stay away from him, I tried to get mad at him so many times but I just couldn’t.

On vacations he texted me and told me that he was still my friend and that he missed me, and we fought over my Netflix because he gave his girlfriend my password.

When we had to enter school again, we were fine. And all of this year we were fine. Then he was crying one day and told me that he broke up with his gf and I am ashamed to say that I was happy… But they got back together and everything fade.

I told him that he was stupid and that his gf was going to cheat on him and all of that stuff, I even told him that his gf was a slut and we had a little fight.

On Friday, in my 17th birthday we spent together most of the time, and we were flirting, indirectly but still we were. Our relationship have always been flirty even my friend told me so because she was with us and she felt awkward. We never used to text that much because we said that even though we are best friends it is not necessarily to text and ask each other about their day. But yesterday we texted all day, we flirted and I feel so confused. I will never support anyone cheating on someone else, but still with him is different he makes me feel so happy.

I hadn’t cried in so long because of him but now I’m confused and all I want to do is cry. My friend from Miami, well she is not from Miami, but she lives there now hasn’t answered me and she is the only one that really knows how I feel, she is kind of my best friend but with my real best friend I cannot talk to her about that because she feels uncomfortable.

What should I do?

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